Friendships

As I’ve mentioned before, E will not being going to her catchment high school, which means none of her friends from school will be going with her.  Over this year, we are aiming to develop opportunities for E to create some new friendships with those she will be going to high school with.  The school and ed psych are supporting us in this and we hope to meet in the next few months to look at creating a link with a feeder primary school.  To supplement that, we are also looking into after school activities both in the community use part of the high school and other places attended by the cluster school kids. 

This has made me reflect a bit on friendships and the changing dynamics of those between children with additional support needs and those without.  Chatting to other parents, it seems many found  it relatively easy to create opportunities for children to play together and for relationships to develop.  Children always seem very open to this and accept whatever adaptations need to be made. 

As the children get older, and start to develop independence, things become more challenging.  Children start to enjoy the independence of playing without adult supervision, often outside on bikes and the like.  E wants to join in, but she’s slower and less independent than them.  She’s still included but the children have to adapt their activities more to make that happen.  It’s the same for after school clubs, many of which are based around physical activities which become harder to integrate as you get older.

There are other barriers too.   As E’s helper I am learning to give the support she needs while blending into the background at the same time.  Going to someone’s house is not as straightforward either as access is a bigger issue both for the wheelchair and E getting to the toilet.  She’s never had a sleepover other than with family as the difficulties of lifting and transfers seem to daunting.

 Now add into this mix the changes that all children around this age go through and the idea of building new friendships feels a real challenge to me.   I should say that E is a friendly girl who is confident that she has friends and has the personality and empathy to make new ones given the opportunity.

It would be good to hear from anyone who has successfully been through a transition like this and your own thoughts on the changing dynamics of friendships.

Out and About - At the swings

There is nothing more fun in this hot weather than a visit to some swings according to E (having to push for over an hour I’m not so sure).

Many play parks have a basket swing which they deem as inclusive for all.  E agrees that she enjoys these swings and can share them with some others.  I don’t like them so much.  They feel a bit unsafe, are difficult to lift her in and out of and don’t really give the same experience and benefits of an upright swing.

The alternative that I have seen in a few places in an upright seated swing made by SMP .  This is similar to a special needs swing that you may get for your own garden.  In this type of swing, E can use her standing transfer skills to get in and out, gets a full swinging experience, is able to feel her body in space and has to work on her head and trunk control.

 I’ve spoken to a few park departments who acknowledge that these swings are inclusive for all but there are a number of factors that are stopping their widespread use.  Firstly they are more prone to vandalism as they have a bigger area to damage and also in some cases they cannot share a swing frame with another swing.  They also require a harness for safe use.

 All that said there are a number of them out there.  I’m still waiting to hear back from a number of councils but so far the list is:

• North Queensferry, Fife.  Top play park.  There is no harness available but you can buy your own from SMP

•  Edinburgh.  Magnet Play area at the Meadows.  There are two here but I am not aware of any harness.

• Monifieth, Angus.  Blueseaway Play Area.  There are two harnesses available from the sports centre.

• Forfar, Angus.  Lochside play park.  There is a harness available from the toilets.
• Cumbernauld. Palacerigg Country Park.
• North Berwick.  

I am putting together a more comprehensive list of accessible play park equipment, but in the meantime please add any you know about  either on the blog or the facebook page.

Unusual Sources of Help

In a previous time I worked as a chartered accountant.  Every year when paying my membership fee, I was asked if I would consider contributing to The Chartered Accountant’s Benevolent Fund (CABA).  Role forward to now and I’ve called on their help on a number of occasions.   I first made contact when my childcare provision fell through and I struggled to find a replacement.  They had a free advice line who kindly investigated the options available.  Then when getting a ground floor bedroom and wet floor shower room put in, they help with that.  During a bleak time for me, the help line was available 24 hours per day.  Finally last year, when  Bobath had to start charging for their services, they immediately covered the cost.  As you can see the services they offer are extensive and are open to anyone who is or was a chartered accountant and their family.

Since then I’ve discovered a whole host of other unusual sources of help.  Few offer the comprehensive range of services that CABA do, but many are able to cover a variety funding needs.  Many large organisations have them for both current and previous employees as do trade unions, professional bodies and the armed forces.  Also some memeber groups of friendly societies are able to make small discretionary grants.  

Finding them isn’t as easy as with CABA who have a dedicated web site.  A quick search under benevolent fund shows up plenty.   You can narrow it down to areas specific to you but it’s also worth a general level search in case you miss a category.  For friendly societies it’s the local member branches that tend to be able to help and you'll find details in their newsletters.

Each organisation will have different criteria, applications, limits and award periods so you cannot guarantee a quick outcome.  Because of that, it may be worthwhile identifying some that are relevant to you before you need them

If you have any other suggestions for unusual or perhaps unknown bodies who help, please share them in the comments section.